settling

i was beginning to feel settled in DC. i have not left DC since january. when i thought about it earlier this week, i realized i had not been out of the beltway in that time (well, except for a monthly meeting in vienna, va, but, you know). i had begun to wonder if i was becoming a "washingtonian." was i becoming a more aggressive, more assertive, more impatient person? would i find minnesota home still? would i know how to dress when i got home (don't laugh at that one, it has been a drama for me this year.)?

i flew home a week ago. it was good for me to have a wee bit of time off. i went to my lovely friends' house. greeted with open arms. immediately got to play in their garden. i realized, i was home. and that their home felt like the closest thing to a home i have at the moment. i have house sat for them, babysat and dogsat. clearly spent a bit of time there. plus, about half of my stuff is stored there.

the week went on.

a whirlwind of visits to the seminary, social work practicum interviews, and extraordinary lutheran retreating. topped off with time at my aunt and uncle's house. always a place to chill out and just relax.

i am down to three months in DC. it is closure time. i am now in the phase when an intern begins to look to the next place. and...i feel homeless. i have spent the week wandering. i am now going back to a place that was beginning to feel comfortable, but as i sit in the airport, it does not seem to beckon me like a home. i also know that i may have to say good-bye to my beloved minneapolis in a year as i look forward to a first call.

how did the israelites do it? wandering. looking. for how long? 40 years? it is rather uncomfortable emotionally and mentally. sigh.

and then there are those who wander everyday for many years, without God leading the way with clouds and fire.

i guess i should suck it up a little.

but, it is awfully uncomfortable being in the wandering space. hmmmm.