nearing the end...

i am nearing the end of this yearlong adventure.

tonight i had my last meeting with the intern committee. it was time to sign off on the evaluation.

i related to them the story of my entering town...

refer to one of the earliest blog posts last september...
the escaping cat, the fear of driving into the capitol, the supervisor parallel parking the uhaul/toyota echo combo...
funny, now.

a year later...

i got to see nancy pelosi speak from my lectern
i presided at my first funeral
i watched a bishop get installed
i preached at easter vigil and served communion next to the bishop at easter
i waved at the pope
i saw bishop gene robinson speak

and...
i taught those confirmation kids and had more kids and parents and families embrace me than i ever thought.

after my crazy two days with the young ones a couple weeks ago, the confirmation class had a surprise part for me. they made me a cake and gave me a jewelry box engraved with the senate seal. so sweet. then... the moms started telling me that the boys talked about reading the bible! such a proud moment. the young ones i taught retained something relating to their faith and tradition. a successful year.

quite a year.
i leave in 12 days. one more sermon and a week of vacation bible school. lots of folks looking for time with the vicar. lots of people to add into a tight schedule of 12 days.

hopefully the journey west will be a little less crazy than the journey east...
this time it feels less...something.

last year it was exciting. i knew i would go back to minnesota. i knew that i had a year of something ahead of me.
now the year is over.
now i am not sure what will be next. papers are already starting to be filled out for the final interviews for seminary...which means, i must contemplate leaving minnesota for much longer than a year. which means i really don't know where i will be after next june.

this move is a little less exciting, because i leave something, that i don't know if i will see again.

well...
we will see.

i have a little longer to see those last few museums...really need to see the spy museum before i head out.

fantastic!

i have aimed to be the coolest vicar ever...

well, not exactly, but i try to keep the confirmation class on their toes.

i decided that we would do Bible studies and try to pick texts that would make sense and appeal to teenage boys. grosser the better. i was often told they weren't gross enough. really, crucifixion isn't gross?

i tried to plant seeds of hard texts. texts that are used by people to hurt others. i wanted them to hear those passages in a safe space so that when they hear them again, they aren't surprised.

we read some tough stuff.

we listened to music that worked with the Bible. i asked them to pick the music. they often picked linkin park. which made me giggle. they did a fantastic job.

very thoughtful.

they tried to explain football to me. they gave up. i tried. really, i did. it just does not make sense.

we did fun things. played football, watched football, went to starbucks. yesterday we went to see "Hancock". good film for trying to see how faith metaphors are in pop culture. i tried to get that conversation started. they are still a little young for that, but we tried. i planted that seed. the seed for seeing God in lots of places.

we talked about Sudan and Darfur. we painted a tent. a tent that will be used in a gathering on the Mall this fall. a gathering that will have leaders from major faith groups.

we talked about the difference between want and need.

and then...

i have a kid that would rather skip a trip than miss a confirmation gathering! i have another kid that has fought church and will show-up on his own to confirmation!

it makes me so happy that by just trying a few other things, we have been able to keep the kids engaged! i am just so happy about this. i am so delighted that i have kids WANTING to come!

i had supportive families and a wonderful lay person helping me. between all of that we got to a point where there was this lovely, fun group of boys that wants to come to confirmation. i have hope for the church at such moments.

today in history.

one year ago today.

i received a phone call from luther seminary informing me that a certain lutheran church in washington, dc would take me on as their intern. the council had voted the night before that they were okay with issues of sexuality. the paperwork was in process.

i had been in limbo since march.

a wonderful friend had said, "we won't celebrate until we all can celebrate."
i remember emailing her and telling her we could celebrate. that statement kept me going from march until july.

that was a year ago.

i am 29 days from the end of the year in dc.
amazing what happens in a year.

whirlwinds.

i went to san francisco on the first. i got back last night. i began a three day confirmation blitz this morning. not the best scheduling, but what can you do, when there is so much to teach and so little time.

san francisco was a lovely break from the routine of DC. a gathering of concerned lutherans. my worship TA from luther is now getting his doctorate in liturgics at the graduate theological union in berkeley. i ran into him at the opening worship...where i happened to be the crucifer. it was very funny. okay i thought it was funny as i constantly made fun of him for yelling at me to hold my hands the right way during worship labs (yes, labs for worship...there were experiments). and then i had to admit to him that:
1. i am bothered when i see people not holding their hands in proper prayer positions.
2. that i actually care about proper orders for rites.

it was mortifying to admit. and also quite funny. i made him happy that someone actually cared enough to remember. i just told him i was ruined. i am capable of caring about the proper way of doing liturgics. crap.

it was funny.

bishop gene robinson spoke. quite lovely as well. i found his speech helpful for giving me new frames for how i often feel in the church.

bishop john selders spoke and named my experience in the church in ways i never hear named. he named how it is for young folks to be in the church. he named how it is to be someone that does not respond to the typical curriculums and studies that the church puts out. i have never heard anyone name my experience in such a clear way. it felt like i had found a kindred spirit. i had finally found a grown-up in the church that understands that there needs to be lots of ways to be church.

i wander san francisco a bit after the gathering of lutherans.
a lovely city. my godfather is scattered in haight-ashbury. we figured he would both love it and hate it. we took him in a plastic baggie and visited headshops and music stores. places that he would have liked in life. that was in 2005. i thought about him while i was in SF. i thought about visiting golden gate park where the ashes were mostly scattered. i never made it there. oh, well. he would have liked that i never made it there. it would have given him something to complain about.

i visited a ministry to folks that are homeless. the welcome ministry is served by two wonderful people that i will soon call my colleagues. one of the two pastors is the first dual degree graduate from luther. i will be second after jay. after watching jay work, i am very glad that it is jay that i follow behind. i cannot imagine a better person to be led by. it has been awhile since i have been around a street ministry. it was comfortable feeling. far from home, but homelike.

i got back to DC and the kitties definitly were a little lonely. linus was needy. poor guy.

then, bright and early...confirmation!!! a little insane. but, we had fun. we read the first part of romans together. we didn't get as far as i intended, but we never do. we had good conversations. asked a few good questions. and the kicker..."how do you know?" i don't. but, i trust. is that a good enough answer for a kid? i just don't know.

we watched the lost boys of sudan together to get ready for more tents of hope activities. more confirmation tomorrow.

we'll see how rowdy it is tomorrow!!

super dork...

okay. i know you are going to shake your heads when i tell this story...

this is the celeb i got excited about.

this morning i was walking to meet the pastor at a restaurant on the hill. like three blocks from church and maybe three blocks from my apt.

i see this guy going into a restaurant that is just opening up...

it was SPIKE from the most recent season of top chef!! yes. i do like a good episode of top chef now and then. :)

i wanted to be cool like all the other hill kids so i just sort of gawked and kept walking. i got to the restaurant and said to pastor that i had just seen spike. he looked at me like i was nuts. i proceeded to post on my friend's facebook site that i had seen one of the chefs from top chef. it was rather exciting.

and...
i am a dork.
i am willing to put it out there.

my feet hurt.

okay. those who know me, know that i don't wear heels.

guess what.
i wear heels.

sigh.
i have had to buy clothes and shoes this year.
the comfy danskos didn't quite cut it.
nor did the pink pumas.
yes, i did think i could call the pink pumas dress shoes. don't laugh

well, the one pair of black heels that i have had for almost three years are starting to get a little wobbly. i bought a cheap pair to add to the rotation, but they died...

so...
i finally broke down and bought a pricier pair this week. i am really picky. i may not own many heels, but i am picky. i wanted pointy toe, black, thin heel. right. nightmare to find. i just wanted a kitten heel.

thats all.
what did i get?

a stiletto.

yes.

what has the world come to.
vicar margaret owns a pair of stilettos.

and her feet hurt.

it did take 9 months for me to crumble. 9 months for me to finally get to this point. will i ever be able to show my face again in the midwest?

i feel a bit neither here nor there.

ps the sermon went well. i don't know why.
i don't think it was of my own making.

another sermon.

i don't know how i feel about this sermon.
it was a bit angsty to write. i realized that i have a sermon writing process. and that i managed to totally bypass it. crap.
so...whatever this is, it is. i found out that i was going to be preaching this sunday on tuesday. switched sundays due to some events in the congregation.

so here it is.
mostly i am putting it here since it is my sister's birthday this week and i won't get to see her. this is one of the few ways i can do something for her.

Grace to you and Peace from God our Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

My little sister (who is not so little anymore) will be 25 on the 24th of this month. That is in two days. Does anyone know what saint’s feast day we celebrate that day? It is John the Baptist’s feast that day. We celebrate his birth and feast that day because it is near the summer solstice. It is near the longest day of the year and the shortest night. It is the time of light beginning to leave the world and darkness coming back into the world.

Nice story you think...why is vicar talking about her sister, John the baptist and the solstice?

Just wait.
St. John said that he must decrease so another may increase. He must become smaller so that another may become bigger. The light decreases so that we can prepare for an increase in light. Christ is the light of the world. Christ is born during the shortest days of the year. The light comes back when Christ is born. When John is born the light decreases so that we can prepare for the light to be welcomed. We can prepare for God incarnate. God in human form. God gave us a natural phenomena to help us remember that Christ is our light.

Now, my older brother and my sister were born profoundly handicapped. They both have the same disabilities. However, my sister is more severely handicapped than my brother. She is unable to care for herself in anyway. She cannot walk or talk. She is most certainly the meekest of the meek. She was born on St. John the Baptist’s feast day. She was born on a day that a saint said he must decrease so that another may increase. My sister became humble and low so that we could see Christ.

Light is in the world and so is my sister. The Gospel is here and St. John points the way. So does my sister.

For much of history folks with disabilities were hidden away in secret. They were the shame of families and communities. My brother was at the beginning of the movement to make folks with disabilities whole. To engage these folks with communities. I watched my parents fight to have my siblings “mainstreamed.” I watched them fight to have my siblings given the chance to be treated with respect and humanity. I grew-up believing it was normal to include folks with disabilities in all tasks. It wasn’t until later in life that i realized this was not the norm.

“So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known.” Families have for so long borne the shame and fear of children that are less than. Fearful that friends and neighbors will find out their secrets. Christ is telling us that families are not a secret. The church is not a secret. God is not a secret.

Christ then says that sparrows will not fall to the ground without the heavenly Father knowing. Sparrows were the cheapest form of food in the ancient world. The meekest of sustenance for humans. Sustenance for the meekest of people. Yet, the Father knows all that happens to these little sparrows! That is how precious they are to Him. Christ goes on to teach that the Father knows the number of hairs on each person’s head. This is how much God values each human.
The littlest ones of creation are so valued by God that nothing in their lifespan is not known by God. Humans are valued so much by God that each hair is known. This is why we can trust that we can walk in the light. We can proclaim from the housetops. No matter what the repercussions are, God will know our story.

I trust that God knows all that my brother and sister have experienced. I trust that God knows all that my parents have done for my brother and sister.

I also trust that my sister’s birth on St. John’s birthday reminds us that we are not to work for ourselves, but for Christ. Yes, we do come back to works. And as Lutherans that makes us a bit nervous. But remember dearly beloved, works come from faith. When we trust that, as St. Paul says, “we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.” That newness of life is speaking in the light. It is proclaiming from the housetops. It is humbling ourselves to be like the teacher. It is acknowledging the one that gives us life.

Christ does not say that this is easy. Faith is not always pleasant. It is not always delightful to be one of the followers of the Way. This is an alternative lifestyle that is 2000 years old. Just as God acknowledges the littlest ones, so must you. You are to be like the teacher.

My little sister is the most handicapped person I have ever met. I also can’t imagine anyone more perfectly made than her. We could have hid Martha from the world. We could have kept her in the dark. We could have kept her a secret. God does not want her kept a secret. John was sent to proclaim and prepare the way for Jesus. Jesus tells us to proclaim so that we can be acknowledged to the Father. Martha has taught me love. I believe that she has taught many others to love. Perhaps it is others who have in their caring for her, taught me love. We are commanded to love one another. In this way we point to Christ. It is in helping us to love that Martha has been like John the Baptist and pointed towards Christ.

The prophet Jeremiah wrote of being enticed to speak. God enticed Jeremiah and Jeremiah had no choice but to speak God’s words. There was no hiding from God’s call. My brother and sister can not hide their disabilities, nor can they hide from the world. I wonder if they feel that God has overpowered them, the way Jeremiah was overpowered. When I look at my brother and sister I am sometimes overpowered by God.

The lessons today are messy. Jesus is not warm and fuzzy. Jeremiah wants his opponents destroyed. The psalmist is estranged from their family. Only St. Paul seems to have much hope. There is conflict. There is struggle. There have been secrets. The questions are: what will the conflict be, what will the struggle be, and will there be secrets?

There need not be secret family members anymore. There need not be darkness drowning people. There does need to be work done. Proclaim Christ from the rooftops. Proclaim the good news of Christ crucified and risen. When we do this, dear ones, than we can live into the light. Than we can claim, as my sister does a st. John baptist birthday.
So, begin your life again. pick-up your cross this week again. celebrate your st. john the baptist birthday. let it be yours. amen.