a month or so later...

i guess i do miss it.

i can't decide if i miss DC
or
if i miss being a pastor.

no, i know i miss being a pastor.

i miss the rhythm of the church week. i miss getting the adrenaline rush of sunday morning worship. never thought of myself as an adrenaline junky, but i guess i kind of am.

i think i miss the intensity of DC. i have always been a little too much of a truth-sayer and doer in the midwest. in DC i was mellow! here, back in minnesota, i am reminded of how intense my personality seems. funny how different i appear in the two different places.

i am in this dual masters program.
i am doing my final social work internship. my final internship of FOUR!
and do you know...

i went into this thing, wanting to be a therapist, the pastor gig was just a thing to do on the side.

now...

i am just gritting my teeth to finish the social work degree. i know the skills are good ones. the credential is a good one.
i just love how i get to be as a pastor. it feels so much more real.

funny how four years changes things.
i can't believe i am nearing the end of four years.

i am ready.
i don't know what awaits me...
but, i am ready.

home again.

i arrived home tuesday evening.

with great fanfare i left DC.

it was a bit intense for me.
i think my midwestern self was a little overwhelmed by the accolades. to be showered with praise publicly was intense. the congregation was incredibly kind and generous.

i spent the weekend packing, writing a sermon, and spending moments with the congregation.
a family that had adopted me, made sure i did not spend those strange last few moments alone.

it was much less of an adventure moving home.
no uhaul trailer attached to the marshmallow.
only 2 days of driving.
just wanting to arrive and process.

i don't like limbo times.
i don't like the times in between projects, events, activities.
i am a little antsy right now.

i feel a little strange missing DC. it was an uncomfortable home for me.
i love looking like the people around me. i love that i don't get stared at in grocery stores in mpls. i love that i can find food that i can eat and good coffee.

yet...
somehow i planted a few roots in DC. they started to grow.
i cried as i began to chant the kyrie.
somehow i made a home.

one more year of school.
a practicum.
a research paper.
some classes.

then...
i get to walk in two commencements.

but for now, i will hold my friend's newborn daughter.
as we sat in the kitchen on thursday, the little one threw her head so that she could lay in the sun as i held her. even at four weeks, she sought out the sunshine. so, i held the little one as she slept in the sun.

and...
i think maybe i did learn to preach.

the last friday.

i just finished vacation bible school.

i went into this event with my feet dragging.
i am just not cut out for little kid type ministry things.
mostly i am baffled by what to do for three hours with them. once we are done with bible story time...well, frankly i am a wee bit lost.

i love talking with the kids, i just don't really get how to structure the time. i do much better when they get to middle school...

well, i made it. and...the kids had fun. they didn't seem to mind coming and even seemed to want to come back each day. which made me feel like i hadn't completely failed in my responsibilities.

it was a weird sort of blessing that vbs was in the crazy last week that i am in DC. it has kept me too exhausted to think about what it means to move home.

last night the lovely 20s-30s group from reformation took me out. they toasted me, gave me a lovely card and ...a gift certificate to barnes and noble. the comment was, "some of us remember how you brought 6 books to a 24 hour retreat." well! you don't know what you might need!!! you must be prepared for any book emergency! it made me laugh, they know their vicar well. it was so sweet.

i don't like long drawn out good-byes. it is hard to have had a few weeks worth of dinners and parties. i like to just say good-bye and get in the car. it is stressful for me to think of all the people i need to check in with before i go. yet, that is the lifestyle i have signed on to as a pastor.

it is nice, though, in a way...
i am finding out all the people that liked having me here that i didn't realize.
i am finding out all the folks that received ministry from me that i didn't realize.


now that vbs is over i am slowed down just enough to think.
it is sad to leave this place.

i fell in love with people.

nearing the end...

i am nearing the end of this yearlong adventure.

tonight i had my last meeting with the intern committee. it was time to sign off on the evaluation.

i related to them the story of my entering town...

refer to one of the earliest blog posts last september...
the escaping cat, the fear of driving into the capitol, the supervisor parallel parking the uhaul/toyota echo combo...
funny, now.

a year later...

i got to see nancy pelosi speak from my lectern
i presided at my first funeral
i watched a bishop get installed
i preached at easter vigil and served communion next to the bishop at easter
i waved at the pope
i saw bishop gene robinson speak

and...
i taught those confirmation kids and had more kids and parents and families embrace me than i ever thought.

after my crazy two days with the young ones a couple weeks ago, the confirmation class had a surprise part for me. they made me a cake and gave me a jewelry box engraved with the senate seal. so sweet. then... the moms started telling me that the boys talked about reading the bible! such a proud moment. the young ones i taught retained something relating to their faith and tradition. a successful year.

quite a year.
i leave in 12 days. one more sermon and a week of vacation bible school. lots of folks looking for time with the vicar. lots of people to add into a tight schedule of 12 days.

hopefully the journey west will be a little less crazy than the journey east...
this time it feels less...something.

last year it was exciting. i knew i would go back to minnesota. i knew that i had a year of something ahead of me.
now the year is over.
now i am not sure what will be next. papers are already starting to be filled out for the final interviews for seminary...which means, i must contemplate leaving minnesota for much longer than a year. which means i really don't know where i will be after next june.

this move is a little less exciting, because i leave something, that i don't know if i will see again.

well...
we will see.

i have a little longer to see those last few museums...really need to see the spy museum before i head out.

fantastic!

i have aimed to be the coolest vicar ever...

well, not exactly, but i try to keep the confirmation class on their toes.

i decided that we would do Bible studies and try to pick texts that would make sense and appeal to teenage boys. grosser the better. i was often told they weren't gross enough. really, crucifixion isn't gross?

i tried to plant seeds of hard texts. texts that are used by people to hurt others. i wanted them to hear those passages in a safe space so that when they hear them again, they aren't surprised.

we read some tough stuff.

we listened to music that worked with the Bible. i asked them to pick the music. they often picked linkin park. which made me giggle. they did a fantastic job.

very thoughtful.

they tried to explain football to me. they gave up. i tried. really, i did. it just does not make sense.

we did fun things. played football, watched football, went to starbucks. yesterday we went to see "Hancock". good film for trying to see how faith metaphors are in pop culture. i tried to get that conversation started. they are still a little young for that, but we tried. i planted that seed. the seed for seeing God in lots of places.

we talked about Sudan and Darfur. we painted a tent. a tent that will be used in a gathering on the Mall this fall. a gathering that will have leaders from major faith groups.

we talked about the difference between want and need.

and then...

i have a kid that would rather skip a trip than miss a confirmation gathering! i have another kid that has fought church and will show-up on his own to confirmation!

it makes me so happy that by just trying a few other things, we have been able to keep the kids engaged! i am just so happy about this. i am so delighted that i have kids WANTING to come!

i had supportive families and a wonderful lay person helping me. between all of that we got to a point where there was this lovely, fun group of boys that wants to come to confirmation. i have hope for the church at such moments.

today in history.

one year ago today.

i received a phone call from luther seminary informing me that a certain lutheran church in washington, dc would take me on as their intern. the council had voted the night before that they were okay with issues of sexuality. the paperwork was in process.

i had been in limbo since march.

a wonderful friend had said, "we won't celebrate until we all can celebrate."
i remember emailing her and telling her we could celebrate. that statement kept me going from march until july.

that was a year ago.

i am 29 days from the end of the year in dc.
amazing what happens in a year.

whirlwinds.

i went to san francisco on the first. i got back last night. i began a three day confirmation blitz this morning. not the best scheduling, but what can you do, when there is so much to teach and so little time.

san francisco was a lovely break from the routine of DC. a gathering of concerned lutherans. my worship TA from luther is now getting his doctorate in liturgics at the graduate theological union in berkeley. i ran into him at the opening worship...where i happened to be the crucifer. it was very funny. okay i thought it was funny as i constantly made fun of him for yelling at me to hold my hands the right way during worship labs (yes, labs for worship...there were experiments). and then i had to admit to him that:
1. i am bothered when i see people not holding their hands in proper prayer positions.
2. that i actually care about proper orders for rites.

it was mortifying to admit. and also quite funny. i made him happy that someone actually cared enough to remember. i just told him i was ruined. i am capable of caring about the proper way of doing liturgics. crap.

it was funny.

bishop gene robinson spoke. quite lovely as well. i found his speech helpful for giving me new frames for how i often feel in the church.

bishop john selders spoke and named my experience in the church in ways i never hear named. he named how it is for young folks to be in the church. he named how it is to be someone that does not respond to the typical curriculums and studies that the church puts out. i have never heard anyone name my experience in such a clear way. it felt like i had found a kindred spirit. i had finally found a grown-up in the church that understands that there needs to be lots of ways to be church.

i wander san francisco a bit after the gathering of lutherans.
a lovely city. my godfather is scattered in haight-ashbury. we figured he would both love it and hate it. we took him in a plastic baggie and visited headshops and music stores. places that he would have liked in life. that was in 2005. i thought about him while i was in SF. i thought about visiting golden gate park where the ashes were mostly scattered. i never made it there. oh, well. he would have liked that i never made it there. it would have given him something to complain about.

i visited a ministry to folks that are homeless. the welcome ministry is served by two wonderful people that i will soon call my colleagues. one of the two pastors is the first dual degree graduate from luther. i will be second after jay. after watching jay work, i am very glad that it is jay that i follow behind. i cannot imagine a better person to be led by. it has been awhile since i have been around a street ministry. it was comfortable feeling. far from home, but homelike.

i got back to DC and the kitties definitly were a little lonely. linus was needy. poor guy.

then, bright and early...confirmation!!! a little insane. but, we had fun. we read the first part of romans together. we didn't get as far as i intended, but we never do. we had good conversations. asked a few good questions. and the kicker..."how do you know?" i don't. but, i trust. is that a good enough answer for a kid? i just don't know.

we watched the lost boys of sudan together to get ready for more tents of hope activities. more confirmation tomorrow.

we'll see how rowdy it is tomorrow!!

super dork...

okay. i know you are going to shake your heads when i tell this story...

this is the celeb i got excited about.

this morning i was walking to meet the pastor at a restaurant on the hill. like three blocks from church and maybe three blocks from my apt.

i see this guy going into a restaurant that is just opening up...

it was SPIKE from the most recent season of top chef!! yes. i do like a good episode of top chef now and then. :)

i wanted to be cool like all the other hill kids so i just sort of gawked and kept walking. i got to the restaurant and said to pastor that i had just seen spike. he looked at me like i was nuts. i proceeded to post on my friend's facebook site that i had seen one of the chefs from top chef. it was rather exciting.

and...
i am a dork.
i am willing to put it out there.

my feet hurt.

okay. those who know me, know that i don't wear heels.

guess what.
i wear heels.

sigh.
i have had to buy clothes and shoes this year.
the comfy danskos didn't quite cut it.
nor did the pink pumas.
yes, i did think i could call the pink pumas dress shoes. don't laugh

well, the one pair of black heels that i have had for almost three years are starting to get a little wobbly. i bought a cheap pair to add to the rotation, but they died...

so...
i finally broke down and bought a pricier pair this week. i am really picky. i may not own many heels, but i am picky. i wanted pointy toe, black, thin heel. right. nightmare to find. i just wanted a kitten heel.

thats all.
what did i get?

a stiletto.

yes.

what has the world come to.
vicar margaret owns a pair of stilettos.

and her feet hurt.

it did take 9 months for me to crumble. 9 months for me to finally get to this point. will i ever be able to show my face again in the midwest?

i feel a bit neither here nor there.

ps the sermon went well. i don't know why.
i don't think it was of my own making.

another sermon.

i don't know how i feel about this sermon.
it was a bit angsty to write. i realized that i have a sermon writing process. and that i managed to totally bypass it. crap.
so...whatever this is, it is. i found out that i was going to be preaching this sunday on tuesday. switched sundays due to some events in the congregation.

so here it is.
mostly i am putting it here since it is my sister's birthday this week and i won't get to see her. this is one of the few ways i can do something for her.

Grace to you and Peace from God our Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

My little sister (who is not so little anymore) will be 25 on the 24th of this month. That is in two days. Does anyone know what saint’s feast day we celebrate that day? It is John the Baptist’s feast that day. We celebrate his birth and feast that day because it is near the summer solstice. It is near the longest day of the year and the shortest night. It is the time of light beginning to leave the world and darkness coming back into the world.

Nice story you think...why is vicar talking about her sister, John the baptist and the solstice?

Just wait.
St. John said that he must decrease so another may increase. He must become smaller so that another may become bigger. The light decreases so that we can prepare for an increase in light. Christ is the light of the world. Christ is born during the shortest days of the year. The light comes back when Christ is born. When John is born the light decreases so that we can prepare for the light to be welcomed. We can prepare for God incarnate. God in human form. God gave us a natural phenomena to help us remember that Christ is our light.

Now, my older brother and my sister were born profoundly handicapped. They both have the same disabilities. However, my sister is more severely handicapped than my brother. She is unable to care for herself in anyway. She cannot walk or talk. She is most certainly the meekest of the meek. She was born on St. John the Baptist’s feast day. She was born on a day that a saint said he must decrease so that another may increase. My sister became humble and low so that we could see Christ.

Light is in the world and so is my sister. The Gospel is here and St. John points the way. So does my sister.

For much of history folks with disabilities were hidden away in secret. They were the shame of families and communities. My brother was at the beginning of the movement to make folks with disabilities whole. To engage these folks with communities. I watched my parents fight to have my siblings “mainstreamed.” I watched them fight to have my siblings given the chance to be treated with respect and humanity. I grew-up believing it was normal to include folks with disabilities in all tasks. It wasn’t until later in life that i realized this was not the norm.

“So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known.” Families have for so long borne the shame and fear of children that are less than. Fearful that friends and neighbors will find out their secrets. Christ is telling us that families are not a secret. The church is not a secret. God is not a secret.

Christ then says that sparrows will not fall to the ground without the heavenly Father knowing. Sparrows were the cheapest form of food in the ancient world. The meekest of sustenance for humans. Sustenance for the meekest of people. Yet, the Father knows all that happens to these little sparrows! That is how precious they are to Him. Christ goes on to teach that the Father knows the number of hairs on each person’s head. This is how much God values each human.
The littlest ones of creation are so valued by God that nothing in their lifespan is not known by God. Humans are valued so much by God that each hair is known. This is why we can trust that we can walk in the light. We can proclaim from the housetops. No matter what the repercussions are, God will know our story.

I trust that God knows all that my brother and sister have experienced. I trust that God knows all that my parents have done for my brother and sister.

I also trust that my sister’s birth on St. John’s birthday reminds us that we are not to work for ourselves, but for Christ. Yes, we do come back to works. And as Lutherans that makes us a bit nervous. But remember dearly beloved, works come from faith. When we trust that, as St. Paul says, “we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.” That newness of life is speaking in the light. It is proclaiming from the housetops. It is humbling ourselves to be like the teacher. It is acknowledging the one that gives us life.

Christ does not say that this is easy. Faith is not always pleasant. It is not always delightful to be one of the followers of the Way. This is an alternative lifestyle that is 2000 years old. Just as God acknowledges the littlest ones, so must you. You are to be like the teacher.

My little sister is the most handicapped person I have ever met. I also can’t imagine anyone more perfectly made than her. We could have hid Martha from the world. We could have kept her in the dark. We could have kept her a secret. God does not want her kept a secret. John was sent to proclaim and prepare the way for Jesus. Jesus tells us to proclaim so that we can be acknowledged to the Father. Martha has taught me love. I believe that she has taught many others to love. Perhaps it is others who have in their caring for her, taught me love. We are commanded to love one another. In this way we point to Christ. It is in helping us to love that Martha has been like John the Baptist and pointed towards Christ.

The prophet Jeremiah wrote of being enticed to speak. God enticed Jeremiah and Jeremiah had no choice but to speak God’s words. There was no hiding from God’s call. My brother and sister can not hide their disabilities, nor can they hide from the world. I wonder if they feel that God has overpowered them, the way Jeremiah was overpowered. When I look at my brother and sister I am sometimes overpowered by God.

The lessons today are messy. Jesus is not warm and fuzzy. Jeremiah wants his opponents destroyed. The psalmist is estranged from their family. Only St. Paul seems to have much hope. There is conflict. There is struggle. There have been secrets. The questions are: what will the conflict be, what will the struggle be, and will there be secrets?

There need not be secret family members anymore. There need not be darkness drowning people. There does need to be work done. Proclaim Christ from the rooftops. Proclaim the good news of Christ crucified and risen. When we do this, dear ones, than we can live into the light. Than we can claim, as my sister does a st. John baptist birthday.
So, begin your life again. pick-up your cross this week again. celebrate your st. john the baptist birthday. let it be yours. amen.

i was assembled...and the parts even fit!

yes. i got assembled last week and the parts fit together.
and even better...
i never thought i would say this, but,
i had fun at the synod assembly.
yes.
fun.
probably because i played social butterfly and chatted up everybody.
the pastors were quite lovely. the pastor in charge of the worship services had recruited vicars to help out. well, turns out he went to luther. i have learned to humbly say that i attend luther seminary, in st. paul, mn. i don't simply say, "i go to luther."
well, this pastor asks where i go to seminary at, i tell him. he says, "you go to THE seminary." i nod. at this point i am not sure if he is making fun of me or if he is a proud graduate. you just never know. folks get a little touchy sometimes when you are the only person that attend the BIG seminary. the pastor says, "i went to THE seminary." he proceeded to tell everyone that we both went to THE seminary.

for those of you non-lutheran types, luther seminary is the largest elca seminary. about 800 students. very big. sometimes called the flagship or THE seminary or whatever. minnesota is often laughed about as being the motherland of lutherans. so, yeah. it gets a little rough sometimes being the kid from minnesota that attends luther in the land of episcopalians and gettysburg seminary graduates.

it was a little fun to have someone to laugh with about being from luther.

we were at this lovely college in virginia. far from anywhere i have ever been before. it was beautiful. right in the blue ridge mountains. i can imagine people wanting to stay there for the beauty.

there were lutherans with southern accents and at the bar-b-que they actually had ribs as opposed to hamburgers and brats. i was so not in the midwest. another cross-cultural experience for the minnesota vicar.

so that was my experience at the metro dc synod assembly. well, the short version. lovely people. highly recommend them.

i'm getting assembled tomorrow...

yup. going to the synod assembly. for those that don't know the lutheran structure, synod is like a diocese. or like a small region within a big region. you see, we have regions. multiple synods make a region.

now some places have lots of people and/ or lutherans so there a lots of synods:

Minnesota=6 synods. the minneapolis area synod has 167 congregations. i'm sure the st. paul synod is similar.

Metro DC Synod= Washington, DC, parts of maryland, parts of virginia. 75 congregations.

big difference in the density of lutherans!

and...
i am a good northern minnesota kind of lutheran...well, somedays i am. there is a strong (don't laugh) scandinavian influence. the churches are pretty sparse and so is worship. there isn't much processing. the synod assemblies in northern minnesota aren't known for fancy pants worship.

i came east....

i will wear my collar this weekend. not something i would do up north. i will be processing in both the opening and closing worships. the vicars were asked to participate in worship. i am happy to be helping out in my adopted synod. but, it feels very odd to be doing such fancy worship on a day other than Easter! or at an assembly other than churchwide. it is one of those moments when internship could be better categorized as cross-cultural. i only crossed one time-zone and stayed in the same nation, but there is certainly some cross-cultural experience.

just thought i would share my assembling experience from the...dare i say it...lutheran diaspora.

just another day in DC...

i went to the apple store for my little computer lesson.
much too hot and i have signed up for computer classes to bide my time.

the conversation goes something like this:

me: so this file vault thing, what do you use it for?

apple techie: don't ever use it.

me: okay then...

apple techie: no seriously. people who store there passwords in there never get them back. if you forget it. it is gone. for good.

me: good to know. nothing i have is that secret...nothing anyone has is that secret...

apple techie: oh you would be surprised. we get people in here that need some pretty ...

me (at this point i interrupt): yes, but i don't work across the street...and most people don't work across the street. seriously. nothing i have is that secretive...

what is across the street from the mall i was in?

the pentagon.

this is the conversation you have in DC when you forget that the pentagon is across the street.
yes, i have grown accustomed to driving past the pentagon.
time for me to go home and get grounded again.

p.s.

it isn't me!!!
according to the washington post online it was 98 degrees...a record for today by one degree.
AND...
the heat index (in mn we call it the heat index, you have to have the opposite of windchill) was 106!!

my whining is not just because i am a whimp.
still is too hot. but i do still feel slightly vindicated.
i just wanted you to all know that. i feel better now.

do you remember...

when i first got here and i said it was much too hot?

i take that back. it is now MUCH TOO HOT!!!

97 degrees and like a million percent humidity.

i am not sure i will make it through the summer. i keep thinking my office is a bit warm. not uncomfortable, just warm...then i walk out to go get lunch...

i generally can be heard groaning as i walk out the office door. bemoaning the heat. it is at that moment that i realize i have been in a delightfully climate controlled rowhouse.

i thought minnesota was humid...nope. not like this. mn humid just means a storm is coming. this humid doesn't ever break. it just keeps going. with heat that just keeps going.

doesn't help that DC is built in a swamp.
is it bad that i think 40 below sounds more appealing that this?
i am not tough enough for heat.

baltimore take 2...the funkier side.

on sunday a lovely gentleman in the congregation came to me and said, "what are you doing this afternoon?" i have learned always to ask before responding, "nothing." with a suspicious look on my face i did give the nothing answer. i learned that a trip to baltimore was being offerred. just something to do on a lovely sunday afternoon.

my thoughts were, "why not!" it is either that or take a nap.

so the lovely gentleman, his lovely partner, and i piled in the car and drove the 45 minutes or so to baltimore.
all of a sudden i hear, "oooh look, hare krishnas!"

that made my day!
it was worth the drive just to see the hare krishna set-up on the touristy inner harbor.


i was taken to the more funky section of town that the tour mobiles don't take you to.

we giggled the whole time.
i insisted that i was on vacation for 8 hours.

that said...

when it came time for dinner i was told i had to make the decision.

we happened to be back on the inner harbor where the tourist theme restaurants are...

i got a silly grin and said, "hard rock cafe...i haven't been to one in years!"
one of the lovely boys and i decided we should get matching tshirts. again, i insisted we were on vacation...
though only two of us got tshirts...

we caused a bit of a rucus.
a bit too much fun was had...

and i even remembered to put on sunscreen. a good day.

some more proclamation

yesterday's sermon. i kind of liked it. one of those sermons where i figured it would either work really well, or just totally bomb. i think it worked.

it is memorial day in DC. weird.
i will tell you all about that tomorrow. this will be good enough for today.



May 25, 2008
Second Sunday After Pentecost
Matthew 6:24-34 (Isaiah 49:8-16)

Grace to you and Peace from God our Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen

God suffers because…
This is what I became aware of last year as I entered into my prophets class. God suffers. God suffers with, because, and for. These are powerful ideas. Isaiah gives us the gut wrenching cries of God suffering because.

Listen again to the Isaiah passage:
“But Zion said, ‘The Lord has forsaken me, my Lord has forgotten me.’
Can a woman forget her nursing child, or show now compassion for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.”
Zion, the people of Israel, cry out that God has abandoned them. Listen to God’s response:
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, or show no compassion for the child of her womb?”

God has been rejected by God’s children. The beloved child has turned from the mother that nurtured it. This is not the child running from the abusive parent. This is the child that was raised in a loving home. A home that had boundaries, but also there was love and goodness. This child ran away. God suffers the loss of the child and desperately wants this child to return.

This is not the first time God has experienced this loss.
Nor would it be the last.

Remember the Flood?
Remember Sarah and Abraham trying to have a child?
Remember Esau and Jacob fighting over their blessings?

These were all times when humans did not trust that God would take care of them. They did not trust that God would do what God said.

Back to Isaiah.
The Lord says, “I will not forget you.”

Later in Isaiah, the Lord will say, “Here am I, Here am I,” to a nation that did not call on my name.” This is what my wonderful professor Fretheim says about this:
“Here God recalls how the divine eagerness for intimacy is ignored. God stands and offers himself in a cry that, in view of the invitation having been rejected, is almost heart-rending: “here am I, Here am I.” My heart fills with pain for God when I read this interpretation of Isaiah. Those words, “divine eagerness.” What a powerful image of God. Eager to be with us. Eager to love us. Eager to know us. Then rejected. Over and over again.

Imagine. Imagine being rejected by your loved ones. Desperately wanting a relationship. This is God’s relationship with humans. This is God’s constant relation with creation since the beginning.

Again listen to Prof. Fretheim’s description of God’s rejection:
“God is like a person who has been rejected not only by his spouse but by his children as well. God suffers the effects of the broken relationship at multiple levels of intimacy. The wounds of God are manifold.”

Eventually, God’s grief becomes so much that God sends Jesus into the world. God loves the world so much that Christ must come to heal the broken relationship.

Listen now, to Christ in today’s Gospel:
“No one can serve two masters’ for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”

Serving two masters is turning away from God. It is turning to a different parent for support. It is turning to a different spouse for love. Christ is reminding the community that heard the Sermon on the Mount that they cannot turn away from God.

As in Isaiah, Christ uses parental images to talk about God. God is the heavenly Father that provides. Matthew writes: “Indeed, your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.” Matthew is referring to clothing and food. God will take care of all these needs. God knows these needs. Just as God knew these needs in Isaiah’s time.

God still knows our needs. God knows that we need food, clothing and shelter. God knows that we worry about today and tomorrow. That is why we are commanded to pray for daily bread. A few verses before this in Matthew, Jesus teaches the Lord’s prayer.

When we pray for daily bread we are praying for today. We are kept in the present and pray for the present’s needs. We do not know what our needs for tomorrow will be. God knows. God will take care of tomorrow. Christ knows that we struggle to maintain our relationship with God. That is why Christ tells us to serve one master. That is why Christ tells us to focus on today.

When we focus on tomorrow, we begin to lose trust that God will provide.
Ask yourself if God has provided for today.
Now, thank God for that.

We can begin to move back into relationship with God. Remember the Lord’s Prayer? Daily bread, forgiveness, praising God, keeping us from temptation, all the basics are covered. This prayer helps restore us to right relation with God. The relationship we turn away from time and time again.

God is waiting for us. God desperately wants to be in relationship. God is divinely eager to be in relationship with you, dearly beloved. This is why Christ was sent to die for you and me. We can trust that as many times as we turn away, Christ will be holding us. Christ will be there. God will be grieving, but there is still the relationship kept alive in Christ. It cannot be broken completely.

All of this because God grieved for so many years. God grieved and could not let go of the relationship with humanity.
Take hope that God’s grief is out of deep love for you. God loves you so much that God gave his only son. God cares so deeply that God gives you all good things you need daily. You do not need to worry about tomorrow, for God will worry about that for you. And know that when relationships in your earthly families are strained, God understands. God knows strained family relationships. God will hear your pain and have compassion.
Take heart in this line from a modern American Prophet, Johnny Cash.
Feeling unknown and you’re all alone
Flesh and Bone, by the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I’ll make you a believer
I will deliver, you know I’m a forgiver.

God is eager to deliver and to forgive. Johnny still can preach. Let God care for you! Trust and don’t worry about tomorrow. Amen

proof

okay. when i moved to DC last fall, i was stunned. my poor little midwestern self couldn't quite handle the aggressive nature of the city. i had never seen such scary drivers. when i go home to mn, i don't get honked at once...and i will be home for a WEEK!

read the article...

area drivers hold spot among the nation's rudest

DC is 5th in the nation for crabby drivers.
minneapolis ranks as one of the most courteous.

no wonder i had so many issues.
i had to learn...well, you know what i had to learn.

a funny song.

The Lutheran Song

unfortunately i can't embed the video on this site...
but it is a cute little song. about all the funny lutherans. it made me giggle. i like a good giggle song.

so go to youtube and watch. you will giggle.

settling

i was beginning to feel settled in DC. i have not left DC since january. when i thought about it earlier this week, i realized i had not been out of the beltway in that time (well, except for a monthly meeting in vienna, va, but, you know). i had begun to wonder if i was becoming a "washingtonian." was i becoming a more aggressive, more assertive, more impatient person? would i find minnesota home still? would i know how to dress when i got home (don't laugh at that one, it has been a drama for me this year.)?

i flew home a week ago. it was good for me to have a wee bit of time off. i went to my lovely friends' house. greeted with open arms. immediately got to play in their garden. i realized, i was home. and that their home felt like the closest thing to a home i have at the moment. i have house sat for them, babysat and dogsat. clearly spent a bit of time there. plus, about half of my stuff is stored there.

the week went on.

a whirlwind of visits to the seminary, social work practicum interviews, and extraordinary lutheran retreating. topped off with time at my aunt and uncle's house. always a place to chill out and just relax.

i am down to three months in DC. it is closure time. i am now in the phase when an intern begins to look to the next place. and...i feel homeless. i have spent the week wandering. i am now going back to a place that was beginning to feel comfortable, but as i sit in the airport, it does not seem to beckon me like a home. i also know that i may have to say good-bye to my beloved minneapolis in a year as i look forward to a first call.

how did the israelites do it? wandering. looking. for how long? 40 years? it is rather uncomfortable emotionally and mentally. sigh.

and then there are those who wander everyday for many years, without God leading the way with clouds and fire.

i guess i should suck it up a little.

but, it is awfully uncomfortable being in the wandering space. hmmmm.