a month or so later...

i guess i do miss it.

i can't decide if i miss DC
or
if i miss being a pastor.

no, i know i miss being a pastor.

i miss the rhythm of the church week. i miss getting the adrenaline rush of sunday morning worship. never thought of myself as an adrenaline junky, but i guess i kind of am.

i think i miss the intensity of DC. i have always been a little too much of a truth-sayer and doer in the midwest. in DC i was mellow! here, back in minnesota, i am reminded of how intense my personality seems. funny how different i appear in the two different places.

i am in this dual masters program.
i am doing my final social work internship. my final internship of FOUR!
and do you know...

i went into this thing, wanting to be a therapist, the pastor gig was just a thing to do on the side.

now...

i am just gritting my teeth to finish the social work degree. i know the skills are good ones. the credential is a good one.
i just love how i get to be as a pastor. it feels so much more real.

funny how four years changes things.
i can't believe i am nearing the end of four years.

i am ready.
i don't know what awaits me...
but, i am ready.

home again.

i arrived home tuesday evening.

with great fanfare i left DC.

it was a bit intense for me.
i think my midwestern self was a little overwhelmed by the accolades. to be showered with praise publicly was intense. the congregation was incredibly kind and generous.

i spent the weekend packing, writing a sermon, and spending moments with the congregation.
a family that had adopted me, made sure i did not spend those strange last few moments alone.

it was much less of an adventure moving home.
no uhaul trailer attached to the marshmallow.
only 2 days of driving.
just wanting to arrive and process.

i don't like limbo times.
i don't like the times in between projects, events, activities.
i am a little antsy right now.

i feel a little strange missing DC. it was an uncomfortable home for me.
i love looking like the people around me. i love that i don't get stared at in grocery stores in mpls. i love that i can find food that i can eat and good coffee.

yet...
somehow i planted a few roots in DC. they started to grow.
i cried as i began to chant the kyrie.
somehow i made a home.

one more year of school.
a practicum.
a research paper.
some classes.

then...
i get to walk in two commencements.

but for now, i will hold my friend's newborn daughter.
as we sat in the kitchen on thursday, the little one threw her head so that she could lay in the sun as i held her. even at four weeks, she sought out the sunshine. so, i held the little one as she slept in the sun.

and...
i think maybe i did learn to preach.

the last friday.

i just finished vacation bible school.

i went into this event with my feet dragging.
i am just not cut out for little kid type ministry things.
mostly i am baffled by what to do for three hours with them. once we are done with bible story time...well, frankly i am a wee bit lost.

i love talking with the kids, i just don't really get how to structure the time. i do much better when they get to middle school...

well, i made it. and...the kids had fun. they didn't seem to mind coming and even seemed to want to come back each day. which made me feel like i hadn't completely failed in my responsibilities.

it was a weird sort of blessing that vbs was in the crazy last week that i am in DC. it has kept me too exhausted to think about what it means to move home.

last night the lovely 20s-30s group from reformation took me out. they toasted me, gave me a lovely card and ...a gift certificate to barnes and noble. the comment was, "some of us remember how you brought 6 books to a 24 hour retreat." well! you don't know what you might need!!! you must be prepared for any book emergency! it made me laugh, they know their vicar well. it was so sweet.

i don't like long drawn out good-byes. it is hard to have had a few weeks worth of dinners and parties. i like to just say good-bye and get in the car. it is stressful for me to think of all the people i need to check in with before i go. yet, that is the lifestyle i have signed on to as a pastor.

it is nice, though, in a way...
i am finding out all the people that liked having me here that i didn't realize.
i am finding out all the folks that received ministry from me that i didn't realize.


now that vbs is over i am slowed down just enough to think.
it is sad to leave this place.

i fell in love with people.

nearing the end...

i am nearing the end of this yearlong adventure.

tonight i had my last meeting with the intern committee. it was time to sign off on the evaluation.

i related to them the story of my entering town...

refer to one of the earliest blog posts last september...
the escaping cat, the fear of driving into the capitol, the supervisor parallel parking the uhaul/toyota echo combo...
funny, now.

a year later...

i got to see nancy pelosi speak from my lectern
i presided at my first funeral
i watched a bishop get installed
i preached at easter vigil and served communion next to the bishop at easter
i waved at the pope
i saw bishop gene robinson speak

and...
i taught those confirmation kids and had more kids and parents and families embrace me than i ever thought.

after my crazy two days with the young ones a couple weeks ago, the confirmation class had a surprise part for me. they made me a cake and gave me a jewelry box engraved with the senate seal. so sweet. then... the moms started telling me that the boys talked about reading the bible! such a proud moment. the young ones i taught retained something relating to their faith and tradition. a successful year.

quite a year.
i leave in 12 days. one more sermon and a week of vacation bible school. lots of folks looking for time with the vicar. lots of people to add into a tight schedule of 12 days.

hopefully the journey west will be a little less crazy than the journey east...
this time it feels less...something.

last year it was exciting. i knew i would go back to minnesota. i knew that i had a year of something ahead of me.
now the year is over.
now i am not sure what will be next. papers are already starting to be filled out for the final interviews for seminary...which means, i must contemplate leaving minnesota for much longer than a year. which means i really don't know where i will be after next june.

this move is a little less exciting, because i leave something, that i don't know if i will see again.

well...
we will see.

i have a little longer to see those last few museums...really need to see the spy museum before i head out.

fantastic!

i have aimed to be the coolest vicar ever...

well, not exactly, but i try to keep the confirmation class on their toes.

i decided that we would do Bible studies and try to pick texts that would make sense and appeal to teenage boys. grosser the better. i was often told they weren't gross enough. really, crucifixion isn't gross?

i tried to plant seeds of hard texts. texts that are used by people to hurt others. i wanted them to hear those passages in a safe space so that when they hear them again, they aren't surprised.

we read some tough stuff.

we listened to music that worked with the Bible. i asked them to pick the music. they often picked linkin park. which made me giggle. they did a fantastic job.

very thoughtful.

they tried to explain football to me. they gave up. i tried. really, i did. it just does not make sense.

we did fun things. played football, watched football, went to starbucks. yesterday we went to see "Hancock". good film for trying to see how faith metaphors are in pop culture. i tried to get that conversation started. they are still a little young for that, but we tried. i planted that seed. the seed for seeing God in lots of places.

we talked about Sudan and Darfur. we painted a tent. a tent that will be used in a gathering on the Mall this fall. a gathering that will have leaders from major faith groups.

we talked about the difference between want and need.

and then...

i have a kid that would rather skip a trip than miss a confirmation gathering! i have another kid that has fought church and will show-up on his own to confirmation!

it makes me so happy that by just trying a few other things, we have been able to keep the kids engaged! i am just so happy about this. i am so delighted that i have kids WANTING to come!

i had supportive families and a wonderful lay person helping me. between all of that we got to a point where there was this lovely, fun group of boys that wants to come to confirmation. i have hope for the church at such moments.

today in history.

one year ago today.

i received a phone call from luther seminary informing me that a certain lutheran church in washington, dc would take me on as their intern. the council had voted the night before that they were okay with issues of sexuality. the paperwork was in process.

i had been in limbo since march.

a wonderful friend had said, "we won't celebrate until we all can celebrate."
i remember emailing her and telling her we could celebrate. that statement kept me going from march until july.

that was a year ago.

i am 29 days from the end of the year in dc.
amazing what happens in a year.

whirlwinds.

i went to san francisco on the first. i got back last night. i began a three day confirmation blitz this morning. not the best scheduling, but what can you do, when there is so much to teach and so little time.

san francisco was a lovely break from the routine of DC. a gathering of concerned lutherans. my worship TA from luther is now getting his doctorate in liturgics at the graduate theological union in berkeley. i ran into him at the opening worship...where i happened to be the crucifer. it was very funny. okay i thought it was funny as i constantly made fun of him for yelling at me to hold my hands the right way during worship labs (yes, labs for worship...there were experiments). and then i had to admit to him that:
1. i am bothered when i see people not holding their hands in proper prayer positions.
2. that i actually care about proper orders for rites.

it was mortifying to admit. and also quite funny. i made him happy that someone actually cared enough to remember. i just told him i was ruined. i am capable of caring about the proper way of doing liturgics. crap.

it was funny.

bishop gene robinson spoke. quite lovely as well. i found his speech helpful for giving me new frames for how i often feel in the church.

bishop john selders spoke and named my experience in the church in ways i never hear named. he named how it is for young folks to be in the church. he named how it is to be someone that does not respond to the typical curriculums and studies that the church puts out. i have never heard anyone name my experience in such a clear way. it felt like i had found a kindred spirit. i had finally found a grown-up in the church that understands that there needs to be lots of ways to be church.

i wander san francisco a bit after the gathering of lutherans.
a lovely city. my godfather is scattered in haight-ashbury. we figured he would both love it and hate it. we took him in a plastic baggie and visited headshops and music stores. places that he would have liked in life. that was in 2005. i thought about him while i was in SF. i thought about visiting golden gate park where the ashes were mostly scattered. i never made it there. oh, well. he would have liked that i never made it there. it would have given him something to complain about.

i visited a ministry to folks that are homeless. the welcome ministry is served by two wonderful people that i will soon call my colleagues. one of the two pastors is the first dual degree graduate from luther. i will be second after jay. after watching jay work, i am very glad that it is jay that i follow behind. i cannot imagine a better person to be led by. it has been awhile since i have been around a street ministry. it was comfortable feeling. far from home, but homelike.

i got back to DC and the kitties definitly were a little lonely. linus was needy. poor guy.

then, bright and early...confirmation!!! a little insane. but, we had fun. we read the first part of romans together. we didn't get as far as i intended, but we never do. we had good conversations. asked a few good questions. and the kicker..."how do you know?" i don't. but, i trust. is that a good enough answer for a kid? i just don't know.

we watched the lost boys of sudan together to get ready for more tents of hope activities. more confirmation tomorrow.

we'll see how rowdy it is tomorrow!!